and it doesnt feel like home. it sucks. my mom is being a bitch, my brothers are rude, and being away from kalef is killing me. the only thing thats going good is my friends, i was really happy to see them again and to hang out and stuff. Maybe kalef is gonna come see me at the 23rd, Maria backed out, i figured that ... But my mom is using him visiting as a new thing to blackmail me with. it seems like everything is back to how it was before, and i hate it. i tried to talk to my mom like a normal person, but its just not possible. she brings out the worst in me and i hate her so much for that. she could not even be nice to me for 3 days. its ridiculous. we fight all the time and im turning back into the psycho bitch i was before i left, and i dont wanna be her any more. ive grown up so much but it seems like theres no way i can treat my mom like an adult. its soo horrible. she acts the same way she always did and she leaves me no choice. i cannot talk to her at all. and she promised me that we were going to be ok and our relationship would get better but it seems like she doesnt wanna make any effort and thats so frustrating. i wish i could just go back and live in new mexico forever.
today she called kalef and told him that all i do is lie. she crossed a border. of course she always crosses borders, but this one is inacceptable. i mean calling my boyfriend without my permission? i am so pissed, i wish i could pay her back...
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
the last days
gosh, i cannot believe its over ...
i mean it seems like yesterday when i got here ...
im gonna miss it so o o o o much ...
well tomorrow were gonna have a sleepover at katies house , just to say goodbye .. i guess theres gonna be a lot of candy, a lot of crying, a little pot and a lot of drinking ... perfect sleepover, except for the crying part ... haha
then thursday ks nana is gonna cook for me, mexican dinner , yay ... its gonna be gooood.
friday were gonna go on our last date .. isnt that sooo sad ... it is truly.
saturday idk yet ...
and sunday is the day ... bah im dreading it.
today kalef ganve me his classring ... thats huge, i was sooo happy.
were pretty positive hes gonna be able to come see me at christmas ... it will be soooo awesome
uh, i gotta go, im tired ...
love yall
peace out
i mean it seems like yesterday when i got here ...
im gonna miss it so o o o o much ...
well tomorrow were gonna have a sleepover at katies house , just to say goodbye .. i guess theres gonna be a lot of candy, a lot of crying, a little pot and a lot of drinking ... perfect sleepover, except for the crying part ... haha
then thursday ks nana is gonna cook for me, mexican dinner , yay ... its gonna be gooood.
friday were gonna go on our last date .. isnt that sooo sad ... it is truly.
saturday idk yet ...
and sunday is the day ... bah im dreading it.
today kalef ganve me his classring ... thats huge, i was sooo happy.
were pretty positive hes gonna be able to come see me at christmas ... it will be soooo awesome
uh, i gotta go, im tired ...
love yall
peace out
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Before i forget
i shot a gun the day before yesterday.
my favorite was the rifle, and the 25. didnt shoot kalefs 22, too loud ...
my ears were ringing...
my favorite was the rifle, and the 25. didnt shoot kalefs 22, too loud ...
my ears were ringing...
BBBBBBBBYYYYYYAAAAAAAATCH
i am pissed ... once again....
so my curfew has been 9 pm lately and i didnt like it cuz i mean, hello, 17 days left ....?!
so whenever i wanted to stay a little longer, vic, kalefs mom, called mark and asked him to let me stay. it has been fine till now. this morning i walk out of my room, sleepy, in a good mood, and there is kim waiting for me in the kitchen, with that look on her face i hate. and she doesnt even say good morning to me, but starts yelling at me imediately. if kalefs parents call one more time they will go there and get me, dont i dare to try to stay longer ... blablabla. very rude ...
i really hate them right now. i mean they know i want to spend as much time with kalef and his family as possible , and i only have 2 weeks left really . and its summer time. i dont have to go to school anymore ...
being at kalefs house is awesome for me cuz i really dont want to be around people who are that materialistic, rude, and conceeded. i can tell that kim doesnt like me being around. she thinks im the bad kid, which is ironic, cuz maria has been fucking guys for three years now. and she obviously also thinks im like mentally retarded or something, special aid ... she thinks im less intelligent than her for some reason, so she thinks i dont get the hints she drops all the time. . . it pisses me off ...
well at least i have vic to gossip with. we talk crap about people all the time and its so great to vent! she doesnt like my family at all and she thinks maria is a spoiled brat.
she was so cute yesterday. she said, if kalef and i are meant to be together, we will be, and she thinks we are, because our relationship is so natural ... it means a lot to me that she is so supportive. she tries to get me out of this house as much as possible so i can go do stuff ... and she sees me crying, so she tries even more. shes so nice. and she cracks me up too lol, shes this little mexican lady with a temper ...
well i gotta get ready, were going hiking today yay ...
so my curfew has been 9 pm lately and i didnt like it cuz i mean, hello, 17 days left ....?!
so whenever i wanted to stay a little longer, vic, kalefs mom, called mark and asked him to let me stay. it has been fine till now. this morning i walk out of my room, sleepy, in a good mood, and there is kim waiting for me in the kitchen, with that look on her face i hate. and she doesnt even say good morning to me, but starts yelling at me imediately. if kalefs parents call one more time they will go there and get me, dont i dare to try to stay longer ... blablabla. very rude ...
i really hate them right now. i mean they know i want to spend as much time with kalef and his family as possible , and i only have 2 weeks left really . and its summer time. i dont have to go to school anymore ...
being at kalefs house is awesome for me cuz i really dont want to be around people who are that materialistic, rude, and conceeded. i can tell that kim doesnt like me being around. she thinks im the bad kid, which is ironic, cuz maria has been fucking guys for three years now. and she obviously also thinks im like mentally retarded or something, special aid ... she thinks im less intelligent than her for some reason, so she thinks i dont get the hints she drops all the time. . . it pisses me off ...
well at least i have vic to gossip with. we talk crap about people all the time and its so great to vent! she doesnt like my family at all and she thinks maria is a spoiled brat.
she was so cute yesterday. she said, if kalef and i are meant to be together, we will be, and she thinks we are, because our relationship is so natural ... it means a lot to me that she is so supportive. she tries to get me out of this house as much as possible so i can go do stuff ... and she sees me crying, so she tries even more. shes so nice. and she cracks me up too lol, shes this little mexican lady with a temper ...
well i gotta get ready, were going hiking today yay ...
Sunday, May 31, 2009
it´s been a while
so shortversion ...
um
oklahoma was awesome, the weather was great, the people were nice ... the only problem was kalefs jealousy ... its always been a little problem but this time it got big ... he sees guys and thinks they are checking me out ... so he gets all pissed and wants to fight them. he puts his guard up and doesnt even let me in ... so that hurts me. we talked about it and i think its gonna be fine now, but it was so exhausting ...
oh but it was awesome, his parents let us sleep in one bed at the hotel ... yay ... i just got so used to it, now i feel alone when he isnt there ...
oh and kalefs aunt patsy has lots of money, and she let us have the hummer to go on a date, it was really nice, we watched the new terminator ... it was pretty good, i think its the best one so far ... looks like theres gonna be another one though ...
we went hiking , it was fun ... where the fires were last year its become really green and pretty ... we were walking, but then we smelled skunk so we were gone fast lol.
then it was the last week of school, it was chill, took finals, i think i did ok ...
oh and then on thursday, we went to a concert, no doubt ... it was so great and i had tons of fun ... gwen stefani is soooo gorgeous ... oh and paramore was there, they had a song on the soundtrack of twilight .. they were really cool too ... after the concert it took us 2 hours to get out of abq, thats how packed it was ... oh and we were all contact hight cuz of all the weed ... lol my clothes smelled like it it was so funny .... ya we got home at 230 so it wasnt that bad ...
we layed grass at kalefs house it looks really nice ... green ...
i cant believe its only three weeks till i have to leave. i dont want to. i am so angry at myself for being so emotional ... ive changed so much and i cant handle this. im weak ... i cry so much and i hate it ... im not a pussy, still i cry whenever kalef and i talk about it ... like a baby. ive gotten so attached to him, we are together all day every day and i feel like i cant be without him anymore. and im so depressed cuz im sure we are too young and im afraid were not gonna make it ...
bah i hate this so much i wish i could just put him in my suitcase.
other than that, i cannot wait to get out of here. ive had it with these people. how can you be so materialistic... and stuck up and rude and full of themselves ...
oh i wish maria wasnt coming ... im gonna explode in her face if she insults my family any more. its not like i force her to come visit me. she doesnt realize that it is important for me to really arrive home after i got there and im sacrificing a month of that just to show her around. and shes not even worth it.
im so pissed at mark and kim too, they changed my curfew to 9. what the fuck. i feel like they are taking time away from me, time that i could be spending with people that i actually care about ... who am i kidding, not people, only kalef ... i love him so much its ridiculous. that feeling that you get on rides in the amusement park, in your belly ... thats the feeling i get every time he touches me ...
uh ive changed so much , its scary ... like really scary ...
uh ive got to get a grip on myself, im whining way to much ...
um
oklahoma was awesome, the weather was great, the people were nice ... the only problem was kalefs jealousy ... its always been a little problem but this time it got big ... he sees guys and thinks they are checking me out ... so he gets all pissed and wants to fight them. he puts his guard up and doesnt even let me in ... so that hurts me. we talked about it and i think its gonna be fine now, but it was so exhausting ...
oh but it was awesome, his parents let us sleep in one bed at the hotel ... yay ... i just got so used to it, now i feel alone when he isnt there ...
oh and kalefs aunt patsy has lots of money, and she let us have the hummer to go on a date, it was really nice, we watched the new terminator ... it was pretty good, i think its the best one so far ... looks like theres gonna be another one though ...
we went hiking , it was fun ... where the fires were last year its become really green and pretty ... we were walking, but then we smelled skunk so we were gone fast lol.
then it was the last week of school, it was chill, took finals, i think i did ok ...
oh and then on thursday, we went to a concert, no doubt ... it was so great and i had tons of fun ... gwen stefani is soooo gorgeous ... oh and paramore was there, they had a song on the soundtrack of twilight .. they were really cool too ... after the concert it took us 2 hours to get out of abq, thats how packed it was ... oh and we were all contact hight cuz of all the weed ... lol my clothes smelled like it it was so funny .... ya we got home at 230 so it wasnt that bad ...
we layed grass at kalefs house it looks really nice ... green ...
i cant believe its only three weeks till i have to leave. i dont want to. i am so angry at myself for being so emotional ... ive changed so much and i cant handle this. im weak ... i cry so much and i hate it ... im not a pussy, still i cry whenever kalef and i talk about it ... like a baby. ive gotten so attached to him, we are together all day every day and i feel like i cant be without him anymore. and im so depressed cuz im sure we are too young and im afraid were not gonna make it ...
bah i hate this so much i wish i could just put him in my suitcase.
other than that, i cannot wait to get out of here. ive had it with these people. how can you be so materialistic... and stuck up and rude and full of themselves ...
oh i wish maria wasnt coming ... im gonna explode in her face if she insults my family any more. its not like i force her to come visit me. she doesnt realize that it is important for me to really arrive home after i got there and im sacrificing a month of that just to show her around. and shes not even worth it.
im so pissed at mark and kim too, they changed my curfew to 9. what the fuck. i feel like they are taking time away from me, time that i could be spending with people that i actually care about ... who am i kidding, not people, only kalef ... i love him so much its ridiculous. that feeling that you get on rides in the amusement park, in your belly ... thats the feeling i get every time he touches me ...
uh ive changed so much , its scary ... like really scary ...
uh ive got to get a grip on myself, im whining way to much ...
Sunday, May 17, 2009
news
first off, for everyone who didnt get it ... im not really pregnant.. apparently people have been thinking that ... oh wouldn t that be bad??? wow...
ok so this is new ....
maria is engaged ... shes gonna get married next summer .... she wants me to come to the wedding ... i dont know if i want to, i dont think its right, plus, flights are so expensive ...
i cannot believe she wants to get married ... i think its a mistake ...
I LOVE HIM
i do and its kinda scary but im sure. . . i dont want to leave ... this sucks big time ... but he says hes gonna wait for me and hell come next summer and live with me for a while ... it will be awesome :)
everything is gonna work out fine when i get back, im relieved .... got a job, got everything worked out in school ... yay :)
were gonna go to oklahoma next weekend ... it will be awesome. but i heard its really humid, so i dont know ... i dont like humidity ...
....
Sunday, April 26, 2009
oh ...
ya i forgot to tell what happened yesterday when we went to kalefs to take pictures , his mom was all like, how expensive are international calls ... and she was all talking about how she was gonna find out about a phone company that has cheap calls to germany. they obviously think were gonna stay together when i leave. first of all, how is that supposed to work . theres an ocean in between america and germany....hello! and second off, what if i dont want that... from the very beginning i was sure that it was gonna last till im gone, no longer ...
idk what to tell them, i dont want his parents and him to think im such a bitch and it was just a game ... i mean that would be messed up ... i thought he knew it was gonna be over soon and now ill have to explain it to him ....
fuck
idk what to tell them, i dont want his parents and him to think im such a bitch and it was just a game ... i mean that would be messed up ... i thought he knew it was gonna be over soon and now ill have to explain it to him ....
fuck
Prom
katie
new haircut
so yesterday was prom ....
got my hair cut and at 5 kalef came to pick maria and i up. then we went to tims and got him and ivonne.
we got to the hilton at about 7, and then the dinner was served. first a garden salad, then filet mignon on mashed potatoes with grilled onions and aspargus ... and desert three different cheesecakes ...
yummy ....
the dance was really nice ....
oh and lol it was really funny, tim and ivonne were trying all this stuff, so we did too ... kissing with ice cubes ... lol. its gooooood :)
well, after the dance we went to ihop with noah, ashley, maria, tim, ivonne and some other people ... had two pancakes ...
then we raced home against noah. kalef was driving his sisters dodge charger .... nice ....
we were sucking the helium out of the balloons that i stole from the dance, and it was really funny.
we got home about 230 ...
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Today ...
the blue ribbon bar ... pool
... hate the potatoes, love the chicken ...
our gangsta hallway ... juniors ...
dork
on our way to school
me just bein bored ....
tonight were gonna have tacos ... yummy ... i love tacos !!!!
went to school today .. it was only a half day, so it wasnt as bad ...
after school we went to the bar and then to the park ... it was 87 f or something like that, really nice ...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Kalef
k .... that dumbass didnt wanna smile so i guess ill have to show u puppy dog picture ...
whatever ...
like the eyes ...
hate the hair ...
lol
<3
stuck in my little depression hole ...
ive been "sick" for like a half week now ... and i do feel kinda sick, ... but not physically... i dont know why im in such a bad mood, i guess im just totally fed up with this whole thing ...
i mean whats the point of going to school if ur not learning anything. these stupid education methods obviously dont work ... all these fuckin people are dumb ...
well anyways, i need someone to kick me in the butt, cuz it doesnt work if i try to do it myself ... i could try one more time, cuz this is retarded, me just stayin home and watching tv all day ...
ok im positive im gonna go to school , i havent seen my friends in forever ...well except for k ... i see him almost every day. . . i dont know, i was having doubts lately but i think thats just cuz my stupid down ... ill be fine i hope?
well anyways, the plans have been changed for the grandcanyon. were gonna fly to vegas and get on a guide bus. itll be so much fun :) and interesting too i hope lol ...
... well i gotta go do my stupid project for mrs walkers ... its soooo dumb so im really pissed ....
only a couple of days till prom, im excited.
k is gonna get his sisters charger, its hot, i already saw it. were taking tim and ivonne with us, so itll be fun. were gonna go eat there, filet pinon or something like that ... itll be good ... desert bar ...
oh and ill get a hair cut on saturday ... im thinking about just choppin it all off ... like a bob or something ... but idk i guess my face will look to fat haha. my mom looks good with it though ... i saw her this weekend, skype, it was awesome ...
peace
i mean whats the point of going to school if ur not learning anything. these stupid education methods obviously dont work ... all these fuckin people are dumb ...
well anyways, i need someone to kick me in the butt, cuz it doesnt work if i try to do it myself ... i could try one more time, cuz this is retarded, me just stayin home and watching tv all day ...
ok im positive im gonna go to school , i havent seen my friends in forever ...well except for k ... i see him almost every day. . . i dont know, i was having doubts lately but i think thats just cuz my stupid down ... ill be fine i hope?
well anyways, the plans have been changed for the grandcanyon. were gonna fly to vegas and get on a guide bus. itll be so much fun :) and interesting too i hope lol ...
... well i gotta go do my stupid project for mrs walkers ... its soooo dumb so im really pissed ....
only a couple of days till prom, im excited.
k is gonna get his sisters charger, its hot, i already saw it. were taking tim and ivonne with us, so itll be fun. were gonna go eat there, filet pinon or something like that ... itll be good ... desert bar ...
oh and ill get a hair cut on saturday ... im thinking about just choppin it all off ... like a bob or something ... but idk i guess my face will look to fat haha. my mom looks good with it though ... i saw her this weekend, skype, it was awesome ...
peace
Sunday, April 19, 2009
2 months left
i cant wait ...
life is pretty boring right now ... its just all going on and on forever ....
i miss everyone and i really wanna go home. ive had it ... but its only 2 more months and those are supposed to be over really quick ...
yesterday i went shopping and i bought a purse to match my promdress and shoes ... its so pretty ..
oh and i bought a camera, its so pretty and awesome ...
im really happy ...
well, im gonna have to go clean my room and do my luggage check , ill have to find out how much i can fit in my suitcases ...
tonight ill go have dinner with k family ...
i like em a lot ....
well, other than that everything is really boring ....
love yall
life is pretty boring right now ... its just all going on and on forever ....
i miss everyone and i really wanna go home. ive had it ... but its only 2 more months and those are supposed to be over really quick ...
yesterday i went shopping and i bought a purse to match my promdress and shoes ... its so pretty ..
oh and i bought a camera, its so pretty and awesome ...
im really happy ...
well, im gonna have to go clean my room and do my luggage check , ill have to find out how much i can fit in my suitcases ...
tonight ill go have dinner with k family ...
i like em a lot ....
well, other than that everything is really boring ....
love yall
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
...
im in the worst mood possible. maria just makes me angry. its little comments that ruin my day. i know that i shouldnt be so sensitive about it, but ive been annoyed for so long that it doesnt take much anymore. and she still keeps on planning my days. i hate it. what if i had plans for this weekend. no, she decided were gonna go on a double date. shit. i dont want to ok. but she doesnt care. she is signing me up for school activities without even telling me and i find out by accident that my name is on the list. thats messed up.
i stayed home today because i really didnt feel good and i had an awful headache.
so now she came home and she asked me how i was doing. i told her better and that i took some more pain killers. and she says, well thats not healthy, taking medication when youre not even sick. every time i stay home sick and feel like crap she says something like that. it just makes me so oooo angry and i just wanna punch her in her stupid face!
oh!!!!
im in such a bad mood that not even kalef can make me happy and he doesnt know why im so angry. i cant tell him either cuz they are friends and if i start talking shit about her hell probably tell her and hello drama!
well i guess ill just vent with rachel and then make some other plans for this weekend. katie, rachel, ... chill ... i really dont wanna be around maria any more. she is in a bad mood constantly and then she gives me attitude without any reason and i just have to live with it ... bah.
and now k keeps bugging me about coming over tonight. and i tell him no, i really wanna go to sleep early i dont feel good, and he just wont accept that ...
i really need to get in a better mood ... just dont know how yet ... ill figure something out
i stayed home today because i really didnt feel good and i had an awful headache.
so now she came home and she asked me how i was doing. i told her better and that i took some more pain killers. and she says, well thats not healthy, taking medication when youre not even sick. every time i stay home sick and feel like crap she says something like that. it just makes me so oooo angry and i just wanna punch her in her stupid face!
oh!!!!
im in such a bad mood that not even kalef can make me happy and he doesnt know why im so angry. i cant tell him either cuz they are friends and if i start talking shit about her hell probably tell her and hello drama!
well i guess ill just vent with rachel and then make some other plans for this weekend. katie, rachel, ... chill ... i really dont wanna be around maria any more. she is in a bad mood constantly and then she gives me attitude without any reason and i just have to live with it ... bah.
and now k keeps bugging me about coming over tonight. and i tell him no, i really wanna go to sleep early i dont feel good, and he just wont accept that ...
i really need to get in a better mood ... just dont know how yet ... ill figure something out
Friday, April 3, 2009
Long day
This morning, at 9 am sharp, kalef came to take me to his uncles funeral. first we went to his aunts house, rita, she was his wife. then we went to the middle school cuz in the gym there was a ceremony. it took about 2 hours ... it was crazy, i didnt even know that guy, but im sure that i would have liked him ... right before the ceremony started i met the entire family ... kalefs mom has eight sisters ... and they have all grandkids ... so it was crazy so many people ... they liked me so that was cool, cuz i was a little nervous if they were gonna like me ...
then the imediate family went to the cemetry to say goodbye. it was really sad, everybody was really crushed and sad. after that, we went to the christian center, to have lunch ... kalef and me left for his house to watch a movie .. we watched die another day ... it was really chill, nobody else was home . . . then when we started to watch batman, his mom, dad and sister came home. we decided to go to bella notte for dinner. it was really nice, i like his family ...
lol i was telling them about the negrettes, and it was really funny, cuz kalefs dad remembered having tommy in court, speeding or something like that ...
after dinner, kalef took me home and then we went back into town, cuz he was gonna stay for a movie. we went to the store and then we saw terrance. he had taken waynes death pretty hard, so he was drunk ... we just kinda picked him up and took him with us . . . poor kid, he was really crushed ...
well anyways we got the mist ... the end was horrible, i hated it. stupid movie ... gotta watch texas chainsaw massacre now ... uh jah!
well that was today, it was long, but fun ... im really surprised, im still not tired of hanging out with kalef ... normally i get annoyed if i spend time with the same people all the time, perfect example maria ... but not him ...
oh talking about maria.
she really likes borrowing my black lacy shirt ... thats fine with me as long as she gives it back clean. after she had worn it the last time, she hand washed it and gave it back to me ... i just put it in my closet and thought that deal was done. yesterday i was thinking about what i was gonna wear for the funeral, and i thought that shirt was perfect. so i take it out of my closet, and there is big fat stains all over the place. i got really upset and put it in the washer, on delicat, cuz obviously hand washing it was not enough. this morning i was gonna hang it up real quick so i could wear it. but i couldnt find it. turned out that nobody knew it was in there and they just did another wash. then maria started giving me attitude about putting the shirt in the washer . that really pissed me off, i mean if she stains my shirt and then doesnt clean it right she does really not have to give me attitude about it. i figured that starting a fight wasnt worth it so i just kinda let it go, but it pissed me off ...
then the imediate family went to the cemetry to say goodbye. it was really sad, everybody was really crushed and sad. after that, we went to the christian center, to have lunch ... kalef and me left for his house to watch a movie .. we watched die another day ... it was really chill, nobody else was home . . . then when we started to watch batman, his mom, dad and sister came home. we decided to go to bella notte for dinner. it was really nice, i like his family ...
lol i was telling them about the negrettes, and it was really funny, cuz kalefs dad remembered having tommy in court, speeding or something like that ...
after dinner, kalef took me home and then we went back into town, cuz he was gonna stay for a movie. we went to the store and then we saw terrance. he had taken waynes death pretty hard, so he was drunk ... we just kinda picked him up and took him with us . . . poor kid, he was really crushed ...
well anyways we got the mist ... the end was horrible, i hated it. stupid movie ... gotta watch texas chainsaw massacre now ... uh jah!
well that was today, it was long, but fun ... im really surprised, im still not tired of hanging out with kalef ... normally i get annoyed if i spend time with the same people all the time, perfect example maria ... but not him ...
oh talking about maria.
she really likes borrowing my black lacy shirt ... thats fine with me as long as she gives it back clean. after she had worn it the last time, she hand washed it and gave it back to me ... i just put it in my closet and thought that deal was done. yesterday i was thinking about what i was gonna wear for the funeral, and i thought that shirt was perfect. so i take it out of my closet, and there is big fat stains all over the place. i got really upset and put it in the washer, on delicat, cuz obviously hand washing it was not enough. this morning i was gonna hang it up real quick so i could wear it. but i couldnt find it. turned out that nobody knew it was in there and they just did another wash. then maria started giving me attitude about putting the shirt in the washer . that really pissed me off, i mean if she stains my shirt and then doesnt clean it right she does really not have to give me attitude about it. i figured that starting a fight wasnt worth it so i just kinda let it go, but it pissed me off ...
Thursday, April 2, 2009
overwhelmed ....
well a lot is happening right now.
kalef just told me he loved me ... wow. thats a little early, right? i mean its only been a month or two ... i didnt know what to say so i told him i loved him too ... uh thats strange ...
i mean i knew that i was starting to like him a lot, but im not sure about the whole love thing. well see ...
his uncle died a couple of days ago, hes a wreck, he doesnt sleep a lot and hes sad ... i asked him if he would like me to come to the funeral tomorrow, he is really happy about that he says i make him happy and it will be easier ... im a little nervous though, i mean ive never met any of his family and than its the worst occasion possible ... funeral ... o.o ...
i havent been to a funeral in years, i think the last time was when i was 7 or so ... i think its catholic, i mean half of kalefs family is catholic ... ill be fine though, im positive.
he came over tonight and we were watching nick and norahs infinite playlist. it was ok but i was destracted ... lol
i am really hatin softball, ill try to get out of it ... need to think about that one ...
yah ill write more on sunday or so, gotta get to bed now ...
kalef just told me he loved me ... wow. thats a little early, right? i mean its only been a month or two ... i didnt know what to say so i told him i loved him too ... uh thats strange ...
i mean i knew that i was starting to like him a lot, but im not sure about the whole love thing. well see ...
his uncle died a couple of days ago, hes a wreck, he doesnt sleep a lot and hes sad ... i asked him if he would like me to come to the funeral tomorrow, he is really happy about that he says i make him happy and it will be easier ... im a little nervous though, i mean ive never met any of his family and than its the worst occasion possible ... funeral ... o.o ...
i havent been to a funeral in years, i think the last time was when i was 7 or so ... i think its catholic, i mean half of kalefs family is catholic ... ill be fine though, im positive.
he came over tonight and we were watching nick and norahs infinite playlist. it was ok but i was destracted ... lol
i am really hatin softball, ill try to get out of it ... need to think about that one ...
yah ill write more on sunday or so, gotta get to bed now ...
Monday, March 23, 2009
...
i was talking to thi today, oh and thomas and viet .. and i was trying to talk to chris but he wouldnt answer .. fine then ... i dont miss u either .... bäääääääääääääääh .... im hurt. seriously.
thi made me cry , well not really, but yeah ... i wanna go back sooo bad ....and i was talking to my mom and ludi ... shes really stressed out and im kinda worried ...
well spring break has started ... i didnt realize i was gonna have to go to practise during break too. it sucks ... I WANT A LIFE !!! i guess its gonna be ok i get the afternoons off so i can do stuff ...
kalef came over this afternoon. he stayed till like 11 or so. it was really funny we were watching twilight ... i dont think its a great movie. well i like the way it is made, everything is kinda dark and mysterious but other than that its really not that great. and i think the books were a hundred times better .... well anyways, kalef was so cute, we were cuddeling on the couch and he had his hand on my hip and somehow my shirt slid up my hip a little and he was bein all shy and put it back in place. lol hes afraid i dont want him to touch me ... ok so were goin out but ur not gonna touch me? lol. so i texted him and asked him why and he said hes afraid i wont like it. damn, im makin out with u all the time and ur concerned that i dont like u to touch me ... ? ... but i think its cute that hes so worried all the time .. allthough id like him to take charge too ... cant help it its just hot ...
oh u know whats also hot .... cars ... shit everyday i see one i really really want.
i better get me some old millionaire soon ... i need money lol ...
i had a really long talk with mark today about maria and how she was hurt with me and all that. i mean, im really tryin to be a nice person but thats hard sometimes, and seriously, who can always be nice and sweet and all that ... im just human, damnit! ... ill get over it lol, talking helped ...
well tomorrow im gonna have to be at practise by 8 45 ... putting stats in the computer ... and then maybe in the afternoon kalef is gonna come over, but idk yet. i kinda wanna do something with rachel ... get drunk or stoned or so ... something fun ...
but shes probably doin something with tommy ...
talking about them ... i cant believe that theyve been goin out for 3 years ... i mean ... 3 YEARS ... thats intense. id get so bored and annoyed. but she really loves him so thats different i guess .. but isnt it crazy to meet someone in 8th grade and stay with them and plan to have a life together ? ... wow
thi made me cry , well not really, but yeah ... i wanna go back sooo bad ....and i was talking to my mom and ludi ... shes really stressed out and im kinda worried ...
well spring break has started ... i didnt realize i was gonna have to go to practise during break too. it sucks ... I WANT A LIFE !!! i guess its gonna be ok i get the afternoons off so i can do stuff ...
kalef came over this afternoon. he stayed till like 11 or so. it was really funny we were watching twilight ... i dont think its a great movie. well i like the way it is made, everything is kinda dark and mysterious but other than that its really not that great. and i think the books were a hundred times better .... well anyways, kalef was so cute, we were cuddeling on the couch and he had his hand on my hip and somehow my shirt slid up my hip a little and he was bein all shy and put it back in place. lol hes afraid i dont want him to touch me ... ok so were goin out but ur not gonna touch me? lol. so i texted him and asked him why and he said hes afraid i wont like it. damn, im makin out with u all the time and ur concerned that i dont like u to touch me ... ? ... but i think its cute that hes so worried all the time .. allthough id like him to take charge too ... cant help it its just hot ...
oh u know whats also hot .... cars ... shit everyday i see one i really really want.
i better get me some old millionaire soon ... i need money lol ...
i had a really long talk with mark today about maria and how she was hurt with me and all that. i mean, im really tryin to be a nice person but thats hard sometimes, and seriously, who can always be nice and sweet and all that ... im just human, damnit! ... ill get over it lol, talking helped ...
well tomorrow im gonna have to be at practise by 8 45 ... putting stats in the computer ... and then maybe in the afternoon kalef is gonna come over, but idk yet. i kinda wanna do something with rachel ... get drunk or stoned or so ... something fun ...
but shes probably doin something with tommy ...
talking about them ... i cant believe that theyve been goin out for 3 years ... i mean ... 3 YEARS ... thats intense. id get so bored and annoyed. but she really loves him so thats different i guess .. but isnt it crazy to meet someone in 8th grade and stay with them and plan to have a life together ? ... wow
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
its urs now baby ...
tomorrow were gonna have a home game, moriarty jv and varsity ...
its gonna start right after school ...
today it was really hot, so we had a waterfight, it was awesome.
After i was done at practise kalef, maria and me went to the bar to get a drink and just hang out. we played pool and watched tv. . . it was cool, but i would have prefered to be there without maria lol ... i had fun though
today during third i went to the weight lifting room and hung out with kalef ... he gave me his bracelace to hold it and i put it on. he told me to keep it ... that was really sweet ... later i texted him and said i really like ur bracelace and he said, its urs now baby ... wow
i guess that means were really going out ... thats cool, im just a little concerned because i liked it being just a after school and weekend thing, i was perfectly fine with that ... but whatever its ok ... i wont go sit with him though bah i wanna stay with rachel and katie ...
today katie told me she is gonna throw a good bye party for me ... thats so fuckin sweet , i almost started crying. she got shawn to be our dj and were gonna have alcohol and all that. i think its so sweet of her ... it made me really sad though, because the chances of ever seing her again after this are really not good ... and i feel like shes a true friend ... its crazy, her rachel sabrina, and kalef , oh and maria, are pretty much the only people im gonna miss ... it sucks though ...
oh yesterday evening i watched twilight ... in german ... uh it felt really funny listening to it ... german is a strange language lol ... i didnt think it was that great, so im hoping that the dialogs are gonna be better in english ... i think were gonna watch it this weekend with ashley ...
rusty is coming home tomorrow so maria is gonna be gone ... thats good, allthough i really dont think hes right for her. on the other hand, he seems to be the only one who is able to put up with and love her faults .... and annoyingness ... uh that sounds really mean .. so anyways maybe they are ment to be together ...
well, kalef is gonna call me in a little bit, so ive got to get off ...
... <3
its gonna start right after school ...
today it was really hot, so we had a waterfight, it was awesome.
After i was done at practise kalef, maria and me went to the bar to get a drink and just hang out. we played pool and watched tv. . . it was cool, but i would have prefered to be there without maria lol ... i had fun though
today during third i went to the weight lifting room and hung out with kalef ... he gave me his bracelace to hold it and i put it on. he told me to keep it ... that was really sweet ... later i texted him and said i really like ur bracelace and he said, its urs now baby ... wow
i guess that means were really going out ... thats cool, im just a little concerned because i liked it being just a after school and weekend thing, i was perfectly fine with that ... but whatever its ok ... i wont go sit with him though bah i wanna stay with rachel and katie ...
today katie told me she is gonna throw a good bye party for me ... thats so fuckin sweet , i almost started crying. she got shawn to be our dj and were gonna have alcohol and all that. i think its so sweet of her ... it made me really sad though, because the chances of ever seing her again after this are really not good ... and i feel like shes a true friend ... its crazy, her rachel sabrina, and kalef , oh and maria, are pretty much the only people im gonna miss ... it sucks though ...
oh yesterday evening i watched twilight ... in german ... uh it felt really funny listening to it ... german is a strange language lol ... i didnt think it was that great, so im hoping that the dialogs are gonna be better in english ... i think were gonna watch it this weekend with ashley ...
rusty is coming home tomorrow so maria is gonna be gone ... thats good, allthough i really dont think hes right for her. on the other hand, he seems to be the only one who is able to put up with and love her faults .... and annoyingness ... uh that sounds really mean .. so anyways maybe they are ment to be together ...
well, kalef is gonna call me in a little bit, so ive got to get off ...
... <3
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
sick thoughts ...
not really sick thoughts, but i am sick and i did some thinking, so yeah. First off, i am MONK ....
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder most commonly characterized by intrusive, repetitive thoughts resulting in compulsive behaviors and mental acts that the person feels driven to perform, according to rules that must be applied rigidly, aimed at reducing anxiety by preventing some dreaded event or by resolving a more nebulous sense of tension. However, the likelihood that a dreaded event will occur, or the causal relationship between the performance of compulsions and the reduction of this likelihood, tends to be imagined or exaggerated.
o.o. Coach was right ....
this may seem strange to people that only know me as the messy person that hates to clean her room. well i have changed, i clean my room every day, i hate dust, animal hair, things just lying around .... and i love the way a carpet looks when its vacuumed ... oh ... and whenever i am at managing, everything has to be the same handwriting, the office has to be cleaned, the jerseys have to face the same direction ... ohhhhh i really am monk ....
well i guess as long as i dont exaggerate it itll be fine ... but people think im crazy now ... i mean i was running around in the hallways trying to find a janitor ... i found one, and borrowed his vacuumcleaner ... then i vacuumed coaches office. cj came in and he dropped some chips on the floors, so i freaked out at him .... kalef had to calm me down ...
thas not good ...
but anyways, love it or fuck off .. fine then, i have ocd, whats the big deal ....
:)
love yall
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder most commonly characterized by intrusive, repetitive thoughts resulting in compulsive behaviors and mental acts that the person feels driven to perform, according to rules that must be applied rigidly, aimed at reducing anxiety by preventing some dreaded event or by resolving a more nebulous sense of tension. However, the likelihood that a dreaded event will occur, or the causal relationship between the performance of compulsions and the reduction of this likelihood, tends to be imagined or exaggerated.
o.o. Coach was right ....
this may seem strange to people that only know me as the messy person that hates to clean her room. well i have changed, i clean my room every day, i hate dust, animal hair, things just lying around .... and i love the way a carpet looks when its vacuumed ... oh ... and whenever i am at managing, everything has to be the same handwriting, the office has to be cleaned, the jerseys have to face the same direction ... ohhhhh i really am monk ....
well i guess as long as i dont exaggerate it itll be fine ... but people think im crazy now ... i mean i was running around in the hallways trying to find a janitor ... i found one, and borrowed his vacuumcleaner ... then i vacuumed coaches office. cj came in and he dropped some chips on the floors, so i freaked out at him .... kalef had to calm me down ...
thas not good ...
but anyways, love it or fuck off .. fine then, i have ocd, whats the big deal ....
:)
love yall
Monday, March 16, 2009
fallin for u
thats what kalef told me. he said he falls for me bad .... WOW ... thats intense.
so i guess were dating now, and this morning he asked me to be his date for prom ... i told him i was probably gonna go with katie and rachel, but idk, i guess were still going together somehow.
he keeps on telling me how im perfect and great and beautiful ... its crazy ...
and he told me hes falling for me ... boha
...
ive been pretty sick the last past days, i felt like crap and it wouldnt go away. i think im just exhausted, as all i did the last days was sleep ... i wake up and the room ist spinning, and my head hurts like a bitch. it sucks big time. i dont think im gonna go to the game tomorrow ....
im a little pissed at maria ... she went shopping, and she bought clothes that look exactely like mine. i mean, thats fine, but she keeps on borrowing my clothes too and in school she tells everyone how WE wear EACH OTHERS clothes. which is not true at all. I mean, she thinks im wearing flared jeans just because she does. thats bull shit, i dont, i wear them because i like them and because they are comfortable. I have never ever borrowed any of her clothes, i dont like her clothes .... im not trying to be like her ... she was the one who coloured her hair the color i did. she is the one who tries to wear her make up like i do. she is the one who started listening to the music i listen to. and then she tells everyone how i really like her style and all that. it makes me angry, it makes me look as if i cant speak for myself and be myself. i didnt change at all because of her, and now, that i finally found a style i like, shes tryin to take it away from her.
She is always there ... 24/7. we go to school together, she follows me around after school, we eat together. i try to spend time with my friends but she includes herself ....
well but now shes becoming a prep, so i guess shell have her own cool friends soon. its funny, i mean you would think everyone would like to be a prep, but i really dont care much for it. i mean, i could become one if i wanted to, i get along with those people, but the friends i really care about are the stoners and unpopular kids. they are down to earth, their daddy doesnt pay for everything they do, and they dont care about where you buy your clothes.
fuck that stupid clique system.
i mean, not all the preps are stupid, kalef is one, but he is not arrogant and he doesnt wear hollister every single day.
maria is trying to change herself for vince and all the other popular kids, its her choice, but i dont respect her for trying to fit in. she was perfectly fine with the stoners, but she wants to be popular ... thats fine ...
bah i guess im just talking so much shit about her now, because i never said anything before. Fact is, is that i dont agree with her behaviour and with how she treats me. she thinks that i need to be saved, and i need to be brought back on the right path, because im lost ... blablabla. fuck that. i dont believe in god and i wont . period. and its not like i have no idea about whats going on, i do have my own opinion and im able to express it. it just makes me angry how she thinks she is better than be just because she has been saved by jesus ... blablabla
rachel is down though, she is awesome. i love the way she thinks, she thinks the same way as i do about stuff , and i love having discussions with her.
its ok i guess, ill get over maria, but its hard being pissed and not saying anything ...
and now she is friends with k too, so i cant vent about it to him ....
whatever ... i guess im just in a bad mood because ive had a fuckin headache all day long ...
uh , i wanna go shopping ... maybe ill try ordering stuff from the internet, i found some pretty cool clothes on some page ....
PEACE
so i guess were dating now, and this morning he asked me to be his date for prom ... i told him i was probably gonna go with katie and rachel, but idk, i guess were still going together somehow.
he keeps on telling me how im perfect and great and beautiful ... its crazy ...
and he told me hes falling for me ... boha
...
ive been pretty sick the last past days, i felt like crap and it wouldnt go away. i think im just exhausted, as all i did the last days was sleep ... i wake up and the room ist spinning, and my head hurts like a bitch. it sucks big time. i dont think im gonna go to the game tomorrow ....
im a little pissed at maria ... she went shopping, and she bought clothes that look exactely like mine. i mean, thats fine, but she keeps on borrowing my clothes too and in school she tells everyone how WE wear EACH OTHERS clothes. which is not true at all. I mean, she thinks im wearing flared jeans just because she does. thats bull shit, i dont, i wear them because i like them and because they are comfortable. I have never ever borrowed any of her clothes, i dont like her clothes .... im not trying to be like her ... she was the one who coloured her hair the color i did. she is the one who tries to wear her make up like i do. she is the one who started listening to the music i listen to. and then she tells everyone how i really like her style and all that. it makes me angry, it makes me look as if i cant speak for myself and be myself. i didnt change at all because of her, and now, that i finally found a style i like, shes tryin to take it away from her.
She is always there ... 24/7. we go to school together, she follows me around after school, we eat together. i try to spend time with my friends but she includes herself ....
well but now shes becoming a prep, so i guess shell have her own cool friends soon. its funny, i mean you would think everyone would like to be a prep, but i really dont care much for it. i mean, i could become one if i wanted to, i get along with those people, but the friends i really care about are the stoners and unpopular kids. they are down to earth, their daddy doesnt pay for everything they do, and they dont care about where you buy your clothes.
fuck that stupid clique system.
i mean, not all the preps are stupid, kalef is one, but he is not arrogant and he doesnt wear hollister every single day.
maria is trying to change herself for vince and all the other popular kids, its her choice, but i dont respect her for trying to fit in. she was perfectly fine with the stoners, but she wants to be popular ... thats fine ...
bah i guess im just talking so much shit about her now, because i never said anything before. Fact is, is that i dont agree with her behaviour and with how she treats me. she thinks that i need to be saved, and i need to be brought back on the right path, because im lost ... blablabla. fuck that. i dont believe in god and i wont . period. and its not like i have no idea about whats going on, i do have my own opinion and im able to express it. it just makes me angry how she thinks she is better than be just because she has been saved by jesus ... blablabla
rachel is down though, she is awesome. i love the way she thinks, she thinks the same way as i do about stuff , and i love having discussions with her.
its ok i guess, ill get over maria, but its hard being pissed and not saying anything ...
and now she is friends with k too, so i cant vent about it to him ....
whatever ... i guess im just in a bad mood because ive had a fuckin headache all day long ...
uh , i wanna go shopping ... maybe ill try ordering stuff from the internet, i found some pretty cool clothes on some page ....
PEACE
Sunday, March 15, 2009
last three days
The day before yesterday i had my first softballgame. It was freezing, and it was raining, i was really cold. We lost. And the field didnt even have benches. It sucked big time. I had to sit on a bucket and i did the books wrong.
But yesterday i came prepared. Long underwear, gloves, hat, warm socks ... didnt freeze that much. We had two games and we won both. The first against cleveland, the second one against rio rancho. Coach Dominguez was sitting by me all the time, i did the books right and i think i have them down now , pretty much.
But I realized how different i am from those girls ... wow. We were watching cinderella story on the way back and alvin and the chipmunks. They all love pink and their hair is done every single day ... allof them are preps and they talk in that voice, oh my gooooooosh ....its ridiculous ... so im gonna try to get katie to come with me for the next times. I need someone down to earth, i dont wanna hang with all those pink unicorn fantasyworld girly girls .... baaaaaaaaaah
And then i burned my face yesterday ... great ... my lips are itching like hell ...
oh and yesterday night, kalef, vince and derek came by and we were watching mirrors ... it was really creepy and it got me scared good ... i was happy that k didnt come alone, maria kuddels on him when he does .... mine! Lol.
I like him and all that , but i really dont know if i like like him... i mean i just kissed him because maria told rachel that she had a dream about getting with him ... and ive been just fine with hooking up since then ...i guess its just some kind of competition for me ... i dont know though
but after he left , he started texting me, and he was asking me if we are just hooking up or if we are a couple ... i told him hooking up .... and he told me that hed rather be a couple. I asked him what the difference was and he told pretty much we are going out and he sees me as his girlfriend ... i dont know about that ...but i always get away with not telling him anything, i mean he is the one who said that, i just said ok, so he cant say that i told him i wanted that.
So mark played a prank on vince yesterday. We have been having a prank war for like two weeks now and it was awesome. I played a couple of pranks on vince and k, i taped up their entire cars, i put shaving cream in their doorhandles, i put pink grassstuff all over his car, i put sticky notes in the window and i wrote all over their cars with white shoepolish. It was so funny ...
and mark knew about all of that, so he decided to play a prank too. Vince never ever takes his keys out of his car, so mark moved it to a different place. When we were walking the guys out, maria started talking about how she wonders where vinces car is ... he found out it was gone. For some reason he thought it was all me, so i told him, i had seen derek with his keys. Derek had already left so vince called him and it was really funny.
Today im gonna go to the park and meet all the people,k , vince, tim, david, lt, robin, ... . they are making a scary movie and they asked maria and me to be zombies .. i dont know though if i want to , i think ill just watch and laugh my ass off lol
Friday, March 6, 2009
TODAY
well, tomorrow were gonna go to state ...
yeah, were gonna get our asses kicked ... nice.
Kalef and me have been hooking up the last past days, somehow, the whole school knows it ... i didnt know anyone was watching ... thats kind embarassing .... but whatever, everyone loves gossip thats why ....
today i got really mad at coaches daughters. I mean , disrespectful. Oh thi, ur gonna love this. I mean, seriously, when i was their age, i shut up, when older people were talking. And i was polite and not rude. Myra is giving me the black attitude shit. The head thingy. Uh i really dont mean to be racist ... but shes doing the ms bossy bitch thing. It drives me nuts. And katie too. . .
we were trying to tell her to be more polite, but she was giving us attitude ... im gonna do something about her if she doesnt get her shit together ... well anyways, they are gonna come to the game to and that will suck, katie wont be there, and then ill have to put up with them alone .... uh and im not gonna be able to sit in the back, yah sure, ill go and fuck all of those guys ... on the ride home ... after the game .... bullshit. It makes me angry how coaches think im one of those whores .....
well on sunday kalef and vince are gonna come over and i think well just hang out. Its gonna be cool, lol i want some kissing ... that sounds bad ...
i really miss the germany people , i need to party.... feel like a retard ....
thats all i guess, ill hopefully be able to get on the internet on sunday ...
3-1-09
well kalef just left.
It was cool, we were watchin one missed call and it was scary, so i started kuddling up with him... it was a little strange though, because kim was watching and maria was sitting on the same couch lol.
Well anyways, when he had to leave i walked him out and we hugged, and then he was so cute and asked if it was ok with me if he kissed me ... lol .... and then we just kinda went for it ...
it was good :)
and just right now he texted me that he hopes we can keep on doing that . I said yes, but i dont know whats going on, i mean i guess were just hook up buddies but i think it will turn into dating ... hes not a hook up guy ....
uh and this might sound really bad, but it would be really cool, if it was just hooking up, because then i could get with stefan ... but that would be really mean and bitchy ... bah i was just thinking, i mean hes hot too. And last week he just like picked me up over his shoulder and carried me around ... and he kept on pinching my leg ... and hes hot ...
uh i really need to shut up and at least try to appreciate kalef. I mean hes like out of a movie ... perfect somewhat ...
ok ill see him in school tomorrow. I hope he wont expect me to eat lunch with him or so, i mean im really not wanting to not sit with the stoners ... they are way cool ....
uh i need to remember to take some pictures of countryside and school and so....
ok well i guess thats it ... just updating lol
3-2-09
uh , everything is cool.
Kalef is so cute. He didnt kiss me today, i think he was intimidated ... he never wants to push me into anything, its so sweet ...
He was telling me all this stuff, and then he said, he was just tryin to make up excuses so he could kiss me .... i was all like ... ok ... and he asked if he had to have excuses, said no ... so well see whats gonna happen.
The c team guys were bugging me today, and he went there and told them off ... it was awesome, he threatened to kick their asses if they didnt leave me alone. They think were going out now, but thats just fine with me ...
its funny how the prep guys accepted me, just because they heard k and me were hooking up ... thats strange ... hate that clique issue, its stupid ... i mean, being judged just because of ur clothes, thats just ridiculous ... somewhat its understandeable, i mean richer kids, richer clothes, all together , ... but i wear what i want and then i belong to ... whatever. I dont even know and i dont care ...
well i met shawn today ... katies so in love with him. I think hes really good for her, so i told her that, and she thinks it means a lot .... its funny how everything seems to work out for everyone, except maria.
Idk i really dont wanna be mean, but i think shes a drama queen. I mean, everything could be so easy ... but she has to make it complicated ... dont get me wrong, i love her to death, but shes just being strange sometimes. She tells different things to certain people, just because she wants them to think shes like that and that, when shes really not ...
i hope coming to germany will help her to realize that she doesnt have to change for anyone ....
oh and today, something funny happened ... i mean, everybody knows that i usually constantly blush ... not today... its strange and cool ... and strange lol
on wednesday, im gonna have a meeting with mr ferguson, to talk about being a history teacher. Hes down, the only problem is he never shuts up. Youll ask him what time is, and hell go on forever about whats new. Whatever, we all love fergie ...
well, thats it for today ... stay chill .... :)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
2-24-09
So yesterday i got the package from germany. Started sobbing for about an hour. There was so much stuff in there and it was all so sweet and cute. I didnt know that they liked me that much ... bah i ate all the gummibaers and all the chocolate within five minutes, no kidding.
Got homesick for today, but tomorrow it will be ok again i guess.
166 days left until departure. Cant wait and dont want to at the same time. Crazy, aint it ...?
i dont know if i talked about kalef, k , yet. Ill check later. Well anyways, he keeps on being so sweet and all that, he really likes me. Strangely. On saturday we had a movie night and we were watching quarantine and midnight meat train. Kuddeled all the time. Was nice. Am planning on doin it again. .. so k went to pennsylvania to visit his sick grandpa, miss him ... uh im really not in love with him, but i do care about him, so i dont know, i think hes trustworthy ... and he lets me drive his truck, and thats fun.
Then matthew i dont want anymore, loser.
Have been talking to jerry lately, he keeps on asking me if he can call me, and he says all kinds of stuff, but i wanna see how its gonna be with k first.
Maria told me, nicky asked him if we were hookin up, and then he was trying to start a fight. That kinda cool .... i know that sounds bad, but its cool.
So i guess, whenever things dont work out , i still have jerry as a backupplan. The thing is just, that he is stupid. Just his brain, he isnt very bright ... but thats good on the other hand, it means i can play him easily. Uh that sounds even worse, everyone, i am not like that, i am just really honest right now.
Then stefan, uh hes hot, but he just does hook ups. So i guess sometime maybe. I was texting him and he asked me if i liked him, i told him no, but ur hot, and he asked me if i would hook up. Said yes and he said yes too ... so sometimes i see him in the hallways and we flirt a little, but i dont really think anything is going to happen, i mean, i dont know, were both just teases.
Thats that about the boys lol, whatever ....
uh just right now there comes this song to my mind .... hello little boys, little toys ....
uh how truthful. That sounded bad again .... whatever
HUGE news.
Maria is gonna come visit me in summer. For about 4 weeks. Two weeks of school, then bike tour and then my dads and my grandparents house. Btw, havent heard any bad stories about his girlfriend, so i guess they are workin it out. .. well anyways, its gonna be great, i wanna party like fuck when maria comes, she will hopefully never forget it. Uh, when i come back, ill be able to buy stuff, yay, thats awesome.
Today we had a game, district tournament, against east mountain, the emo town, how i like to call it .. we won ... but we didnt play our best, jorge was sick, troy still has problems with his ankle, and the others idk ... but anyways, theres gonna be another game on thursday and then saturday, and then itll be done.
Then, right after basketball, softball is gonna start. Idk yet if itll be as much fun, because its the girls and as everyone knows, theres gonna be bitching and stuff. I like the boys better, they are much less complicated.
Well i hope ill be able to talk to thi and everyone next sunday, theres so much to tell and talk about ... till then, peace out ...
Sunday, February 15, 2009
the day after valentine´s day ...
first off, i forgot to say this in the last post, it was not the making out with the guy, lol, it was his girlfriend ... yah i guess im the other girl now ... kinda cool though ...
ok this is whats new ... maria and rusty broke up for good now, so shes getting with vince, and he wants me to get with his best friend kalef, so i started texting him ... idk hes really sweet and he tells me that i look amazing and all that, but somehow that connection isnt there, found that out yesterday ...
well and then i was trying to get with john, but idk about that, hes ignoring me, so probably not ... damit, its not like theres anything better than me out there. it makes me angry. i mean hes the fucking hottest guy ever and he wont even look at me... ok i take that back, i guess the hottest guy is jorge. but hes a dickhead and he just wants to fuck me .... oh and then there was jerry, eduardo and cory were trying to hook me up with him, but i didnt want to at first, well yesterday at the valentines dance, he was there with a girl, which made him more sexy lol. so i went there and started flirting with him, i guess somethings about to happen. the only problem was, that i kinda ditched kalef for him. its not like we were on a date, i went with maria and he went with vince, but maria and vince were making out, so that kinda left me and kalef. danced with matthew, nicky, kalef and vince, oh and jerry, so nothing new. what was new though was jorge trying to get me to go to his party. Fuck, i wanted to go, but he would have tried to make a move. it kinda funny how he wants to fuck everything blond wearing a really short dress lol. i mean normally he doesnt even look at me ...
oh yeah and then i was looking for nicky, and his friends told me he was behind the curtain, shit i should have known better, but i didnt suspect anything, so i went to look, and there were two people lying on the floor, twisted into each other, making funny noises. damn, i was shocked....
the funny thing is is that when maria and me were dancing, she went down and up on me, and that teacher came and told her, not to do that, because it was gross. haha what do they think two girls are gonna do? honestly, telling us to dance less dirty, but not realizing that the sophomores are doing i dont even wanna know what behind the curtain. haha
well i did have some fun yesterday, but i wasnt even buzzed, so it was lame. katie and me had some bacardi hidden in her car, but her mean sister found it and drank it by herself ...
oh and before, kalef, derek, lt and me were planning on just getting drunk at the dance, but it didnt work out ... so no alcohol for anna, fuck.
well today, me and maria are gonna go to rachels , and im gonna get stoned yay! its about time, ive been planning on doing that for so long!
its not like im gonna turn into a stoner now, but trying stuff is ok, right?
well i think thats about it ...
happy after valentines day!
ok this is whats new ... maria and rusty broke up for good now, so shes getting with vince, and he wants me to get with his best friend kalef, so i started texting him ... idk hes really sweet and he tells me that i look amazing and all that, but somehow that connection isnt there, found that out yesterday ...
well and then i was trying to get with john, but idk about that, hes ignoring me, so probably not ... damit, its not like theres anything better than me out there. it makes me angry. i mean hes the fucking hottest guy ever and he wont even look at me... ok i take that back, i guess the hottest guy is jorge. but hes a dickhead and he just wants to fuck me .... oh and then there was jerry, eduardo and cory were trying to hook me up with him, but i didnt want to at first, well yesterday at the valentines dance, he was there with a girl, which made him more sexy lol. so i went there and started flirting with him, i guess somethings about to happen. the only problem was, that i kinda ditched kalef for him. its not like we were on a date, i went with maria and he went with vince, but maria and vince were making out, so that kinda left me and kalef. danced with matthew, nicky, kalef and vince, oh and jerry, so nothing new. what was new though was jorge trying to get me to go to his party. Fuck, i wanted to go, but he would have tried to make a move. it kinda funny how he wants to fuck everything blond wearing a really short dress lol. i mean normally he doesnt even look at me ...
oh yeah and then i was looking for nicky, and his friends told me he was behind the curtain, shit i should have known better, but i didnt suspect anything, so i went to look, and there were two people lying on the floor, twisted into each other, making funny noises. damn, i was shocked....
the funny thing is is that when maria and me were dancing, she went down and up on me, and that teacher came and told her, not to do that, because it was gross. haha what do they think two girls are gonna do? honestly, telling us to dance less dirty, but not realizing that the sophomores are doing i dont even wanna know what behind the curtain. haha
well i did have some fun yesterday, but i wasnt even buzzed, so it was lame. katie and me had some bacardi hidden in her car, but her mean sister found it and drank it by herself ...
oh and before, kalef, derek, lt and me were planning on just getting drunk at the dance, but it didnt work out ... so no alcohol for anna, fuck.
well today, me and maria are gonna go to rachels , and im gonna get stoned yay! its about time, ive been planning on doing that for so long!
its not like im gonna turn into a stoner now, but trying stuff is ok, right?
well i think thats about it ...
happy after valentines day!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
new
I cant believe myself right now.
We just got home from the game in tucumcari and at the bus matthew kept on texting me about hooking up. I was really bored so i eventually said yes. So when i got done seperating the jerseys, he texted me, meet me in the gym, and i was all like, do i really wanna do that, and then i realized that i truly dont care. So i went there and we made out for a little bit, and then i kinda just walked away. I mean it wasnt that he was a bad kisser, its just that i have absolutely no feelings for him. I thought that i could like him, i mean he can be really sweet when he wants to, plus hes cute, but i dont. So i dont know what im gonna do when i go to practise on monday, i guess everybody will know. Somehow i prooved all of those stupid rumors right, and that sucks. Oh yay, no i really am that slut everybody thinks i am. Im not! Bah high school is hell, i think it can kill people emotionally.
Anyways, i better prepare for some dirty looks, uh its gonna be bad...
ok so this is what else happened.
Christmas
we went to houston, it took us two days to get there, we spent the night at some motel three hours from there.
We stayed there for i think five days. Aunt dee, kims sister, has two sons, bio and sam, they are half black, their father is from nigeria, but dee and him, charles, are divorced.
Charles´ brother, dont remember his name, and his wife and son were there too. They were really nice and the wife was veeeeeeeerry pretty, purdy, in hick lol. We went to the rich peoples mall, it was really expensive, to a bad chinese restaurant, saw downtown houston by night and went to the normal mall. That was all, the rest of the time we spent at home, mostly eating.
The christmas dinner was really good, we hat truducken, turkey, duck, and chicken all together, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, stuffing, beans, ham, plain chicken, turkey breast, and bisquits. I ate so much, i couldnt even move anymore.
We went home at the 28th, i think. We left really early in the morning, and we got there at nighttime, it think it took us about 14 hours maybe 15.
when we got home, mr paul mccartney was still alive, is was pumped...
newyears eve
we went to some friends house, i dont remember the names, and there was a party. It sucked because all the adults were playing drinking games and the kids were playing wii. Oh that was the part that didnt suck, it was fun. At twelve, i went outside, to do my amateur firework, as nobody else had planned one. My rockets were really small and quiet, and the rest was pathetic, too. I got really homesick that night, because i thought of all the shit that we could have done in germany, random.
Back in school
there was the bvc tournament, bean valley c i dont know ... we hosted it and it was a big deal. The jv lost the whole thing and sucked, the varsity were really good, they lost the championship game though and got second. It was a tight game, we lost by one point in overtime, cory missed the layup... but the best thing about the whole tournament was how we beat temples ass. Uh i cant stand those arrogant fuckers. Number 24 thinks he is so great, just because he dunks. All he can do is run the baseline. Coach called him a fuckin stupid jumpingbean, it was great. Well we beat them, and we kept him from dunking during the whole entire game, he got all hurt. It was crazy to see how the whole team got intimidated without him being the cocky center of their offense. That game was my highlight.
What was also great, was how i missed school during the week. It was easy to ditch, too, and teachers didnt even really care. I was just hanging out at the gym all day long, watching the games and chillin it was cool.
Finals
i did really good on my finals, the only subject i got a b was mrs tullys, and as its a weighted class that is the same as an a. My pga was 4.297, and a 4.0 is a b plus. So this is how it works. Each normal class has four, that is an a , if you have three, its a b, and so on. Every weighted class has five, but if you have a four, its still an a. So the average pga can be higher than the highest grade, i think its genious, makes me feel really smart lol.
Marias birthday, 17
was last week, i made her a white cake with lots of frosting on top, and a giant green peace sign, she almost started crying when she saw it. She was in a bad mood that day because rusty was being a dick and didnt get her anything, i mean he took her on a date but that was all. She was disappointed in him. I think she is right, i mean they have been dating for almost two years, he should have gotten her something nice, not big, but something that means something.
Well anyways, we had a birthdaydinner for her, it was crabs. It was crazy, we ate the legs, and we had to cut them open and get out the inside. It was the first time i ate crabs and i got the juice all over me... it was good, but it is something i dont wanna eat more than every once in a while.
Jella, the other german
decided she wanted to quit and go home. She made me mad and sad at the same time. I hate how she just quits. Shes running away from her problems. She came here to escape from her problems back home, somehow she gets obsessed with guys, she hates her stepdad, she thinks shes ugly, her friends are being dumb and not supportive, and she cuts herself. So she came her and everything seemed to be good, until she fell in love with that dumbass. He asked her out for homecoming and then just dumped her, without even really telling her that. He just started avoiding and ignoring and hiding from her. Thats so pre kindergarden, really. Well anyways, she was so madly in love with him, she got really depressed. From the beginning on, she also didnt get along with her hostsister very well, its completely understandeable, i mean that kid is a spoiled little brat. Somehow jella got so into her being depressed and selfpity, she was convinced, that everything here is bad. So she started cutting herself. She wanted to go home so she talked to me. I told her coordinator all about her, everything, to help her, but it didnt work. Today i found out that shes gonna leave tomorrow, but she didnt tell me, it was carolynn, the coordinator.
Whatever jella, i tried to help you and you kept on being stiff and stupid so i really dont care anymore, sorry.
Katie
is having problems down there, she says it hurts all the time and when shes having sex with her boyfriend, it burns really badly. She has had that for a couple of months now and somehow she doesnt realize how bad this can be. I mean if she doesnt go to see a doctor soon, she might not even be able to have kids later, who knows ...
i am really worried about her.
Sciclub
yesterday was the first day of skiclub, it was great, so much fun. I am better than i thought , i guess. We got up at five in the morning , got ready and we left the school at six thirty. We got there at about nine and our classes started at ten. My instructors name is pablo and he was pretty rude, but i guess its ok, patience is just not his thing.at twelve we had lunch, and after that, we were allowed to rum by ourselves. I had a lot of fun, but it was also really exhausting, so on the way back i didnt play catch the phrase like all the others did. This morning i got up and i am sore in the back of my left leg, thats all, i guess im lucky.
The next time is going to be next friday, im all excited about it...
i got a new date now for my flight home, fathers day, and i am gonna go on the berlin trip, im soooo happy about it.
Well i guess thats everything
We just got home from the game in tucumcari and at the bus matthew kept on texting me about hooking up. I was really bored so i eventually said yes. So when i got done seperating the jerseys, he texted me, meet me in the gym, and i was all like, do i really wanna do that, and then i realized that i truly dont care. So i went there and we made out for a little bit, and then i kinda just walked away. I mean it wasnt that he was a bad kisser, its just that i have absolutely no feelings for him. I thought that i could like him, i mean he can be really sweet when he wants to, plus hes cute, but i dont. So i dont know what im gonna do when i go to practise on monday, i guess everybody will know. Somehow i prooved all of those stupid rumors right, and that sucks. Oh yay, no i really am that slut everybody thinks i am. Im not! Bah high school is hell, i think it can kill people emotionally.
Anyways, i better prepare for some dirty looks, uh its gonna be bad...
ok so this is what else happened.
Christmas
we went to houston, it took us two days to get there, we spent the night at some motel three hours from there.
We stayed there for i think five days. Aunt dee, kims sister, has two sons, bio and sam, they are half black, their father is from nigeria, but dee and him, charles, are divorced.
Charles´ brother, dont remember his name, and his wife and son were there too. They were really nice and the wife was veeeeeeeerry pretty, purdy, in hick lol. We went to the rich peoples mall, it was really expensive, to a bad chinese restaurant, saw downtown houston by night and went to the normal mall. That was all, the rest of the time we spent at home, mostly eating.
The christmas dinner was really good, we hat truducken, turkey, duck, and chicken all together, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, stuffing, beans, ham, plain chicken, turkey breast, and bisquits. I ate so much, i couldnt even move anymore.
We went home at the 28th, i think. We left really early in the morning, and we got there at nighttime, it think it took us about 14 hours maybe 15.
when we got home, mr paul mccartney was still alive, is was pumped...
newyears eve
we went to some friends house, i dont remember the names, and there was a party. It sucked because all the adults were playing drinking games and the kids were playing wii. Oh that was the part that didnt suck, it was fun. At twelve, i went outside, to do my amateur firework, as nobody else had planned one. My rockets were really small and quiet, and the rest was pathetic, too. I got really homesick that night, because i thought of all the shit that we could have done in germany, random.
Back in school
there was the bvc tournament, bean valley c i dont know ... we hosted it and it was a big deal. The jv lost the whole thing and sucked, the varsity were really good, they lost the championship game though and got second. It was a tight game, we lost by one point in overtime, cory missed the layup... but the best thing about the whole tournament was how we beat temples ass. Uh i cant stand those arrogant fuckers. Number 24 thinks he is so great, just because he dunks. All he can do is run the baseline. Coach called him a fuckin stupid jumpingbean, it was great. Well we beat them, and we kept him from dunking during the whole entire game, he got all hurt. It was crazy to see how the whole team got intimidated without him being the cocky center of their offense. That game was my highlight.
What was also great, was how i missed school during the week. It was easy to ditch, too, and teachers didnt even really care. I was just hanging out at the gym all day long, watching the games and chillin it was cool.
Finals
i did really good on my finals, the only subject i got a b was mrs tullys, and as its a weighted class that is the same as an a. My pga was 4.297, and a 4.0 is a b plus. So this is how it works. Each normal class has four, that is an a , if you have three, its a b, and so on. Every weighted class has five, but if you have a four, its still an a. So the average pga can be higher than the highest grade, i think its genious, makes me feel really smart lol.
Marias birthday, 17
was last week, i made her a white cake with lots of frosting on top, and a giant green peace sign, she almost started crying when she saw it. She was in a bad mood that day because rusty was being a dick and didnt get her anything, i mean he took her on a date but that was all. She was disappointed in him. I think she is right, i mean they have been dating for almost two years, he should have gotten her something nice, not big, but something that means something.
Well anyways, we had a birthdaydinner for her, it was crabs. It was crazy, we ate the legs, and we had to cut them open and get out the inside. It was the first time i ate crabs and i got the juice all over me... it was good, but it is something i dont wanna eat more than every once in a while.
Jella, the other german
decided she wanted to quit and go home. She made me mad and sad at the same time. I hate how she just quits. Shes running away from her problems. She came here to escape from her problems back home, somehow she gets obsessed with guys, she hates her stepdad, she thinks shes ugly, her friends are being dumb and not supportive, and she cuts herself. So she came her and everything seemed to be good, until she fell in love with that dumbass. He asked her out for homecoming and then just dumped her, without even really telling her that. He just started avoiding and ignoring and hiding from her. Thats so pre kindergarden, really. Well anyways, she was so madly in love with him, she got really depressed. From the beginning on, she also didnt get along with her hostsister very well, its completely understandeable, i mean that kid is a spoiled little brat. Somehow jella got so into her being depressed and selfpity, she was convinced, that everything here is bad. So she started cutting herself. She wanted to go home so she talked to me. I told her coordinator all about her, everything, to help her, but it didnt work. Today i found out that shes gonna leave tomorrow, but she didnt tell me, it was carolynn, the coordinator.
Whatever jella, i tried to help you and you kept on being stiff and stupid so i really dont care anymore, sorry.
Katie
is having problems down there, she says it hurts all the time and when shes having sex with her boyfriend, it burns really badly. She has had that for a couple of months now and somehow she doesnt realize how bad this can be. I mean if she doesnt go to see a doctor soon, she might not even be able to have kids later, who knows ...
i am really worried about her.
Sciclub
yesterday was the first day of skiclub, it was great, so much fun. I am better than i thought , i guess. We got up at five in the morning , got ready and we left the school at six thirty. We got there at about nine and our classes started at ten. My instructors name is pablo and he was pretty rude, but i guess its ok, patience is just not his thing.at twelve we had lunch, and after that, we were allowed to rum by ourselves. I had a lot of fun, but it was also really exhausting, so on the way back i didnt play catch the phrase like all the others did. This morning i got up and i am sore in the back of my left leg, thats all, i guess im lucky.
The next time is going to be next friday, im all excited about it...
i got a new date now for my flight home, fathers day, and i am gonna go on the berlin trip, im soooo happy about it.
Well i guess thats everything
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