and it doesnt feel like home. it sucks. my mom is being a bitch, my brothers are rude, and being away from kalef is killing me. the only thing thats going good is my friends, i was really happy to see them again and to hang out and stuff. Maybe kalef is gonna come see me at the 23rd, Maria backed out, i figured that ... But my mom is using him visiting as a new thing to blackmail me with. it seems like everything is back to how it was before, and i hate it. i tried to talk to my mom like a normal person, but its just not possible. she brings out the worst in me and i hate her so much for that. she could not even be nice to me for 3 days. its ridiculous. we fight all the time and im turning back into the psycho bitch i was before i left, and i dont wanna be her any more. ive grown up so much but it seems like theres no way i can treat my mom like an adult. its soo horrible. she acts the same way she always did and she leaves me no choice. i cannot talk to her at all. and she promised me that we were going to be ok and our relationship would get better but it seems like she doesnt wanna make any effort and thats so frustrating. i wish i could just go back and live in new mexico forever.
today she called kalef and told him that all i do is lie. she crossed a border. of course she always crosses borders, but this one is inacceptable. i mean calling my boyfriend without my permission? i am so pissed, i wish i could pay her back...
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
the last days
gosh, i cannot believe its over ...
i mean it seems like yesterday when i got here ...
im gonna miss it so o o o o much ...
well tomorrow were gonna have a sleepover at katies house , just to say goodbye .. i guess theres gonna be a lot of candy, a lot of crying, a little pot and a lot of drinking ... perfect sleepover, except for the crying part ... haha
then thursday ks nana is gonna cook for me, mexican dinner , yay ... its gonna be gooood.
friday were gonna go on our last date .. isnt that sooo sad ... it is truly.
saturday idk yet ...
and sunday is the day ... bah im dreading it.
today kalef ganve me his classring ... thats huge, i was sooo happy.
were pretty positive hes gonna be able to come see me at christmas ... it will be soooo awesome
uh, i gotta go, im tired ...
love yall
peace out
i mean it seems like yesterday when i got here ...
im gonna miss it so o o o o much ...
well tomorrow were gonna have a sleepover at katies house , just to say goodbye .. i guess theres gonna be a lot of candy, a lot of crying, a little pot and a lot of drinking ... perfect sleepover, except for the crying part ... haha
then thursday ks nana is gonna cook for me, mexican dinner , yay ... its gonna be gooood.
friday were gonna go on our last date .. isnt that sooo sad ... it is truly.
saturday idk yet ...
and sunday is the day ... bah im dreading it.
today kalef ganve me his classring ... thats huge, i was sooo happy.
were pretty positive hes gonna be able to come see me at christmas ... it will be soooo awesome
uh, i gotta go, im tired ...
love yall
peace out
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Before i forget
i shot a gun the day before yesterday.
my favorite was the rifle, and the 25. didnt shoot kalefs 22, too loud ...
my ears were ringing...
my favorite was the rifle, and the 25. didnt shoot kalefs 22, too loud ...
my ears were ringing...
BBBBBBBBYYYYYYAAAAAAAATCH
i am pissed ... once again....
so my curfew has been 9 pm lately and i didnt like it cuz i mean, hello, 17 days left ....?!
so whenever i wanted to stay a little longer, vic, kalefs mom, called mark and asked him to let me stay. it has been fine till now. this morning i walk out of my room, sleepy, in a good mood, and there is kim waiting for me in the kitchen, with that look on her face i hate. and she doesnt even say good morning to me, but starts yelling at me imediately. if kalefs parents call one more time they will go there and get me, dont i dare to try to stay longer ... blablabla. very rude ...
i really hate them right now. i mean they know i want to spend as much time with kalef and his family as possible , and i only have 2 weeks left really . and its summer time. i dont have to go to school anymore ...
being at kalefs house is awesome for me cuz i really dont want to be around people who are that materialistic, rude, and conceeded. i can tell that kim doesnt like me being around. she thinks im the bad kid, which is ironic, cuz maria has been fucking guys for three years now. and she obviously also thinks im like mentally retarded or something, special aid ... she thinks im less intelligent than her for some reason, so she thinks i dont get the hints she drops all the time. . . it pisses me off ...
well at least i have vic to gossip with. we talk crap about people all the time and its so great to vent! she doesnt like my family at all and she thinks maria is a spoiled brat.
she was so cute yesterday. she said, if kalef and i are meant to be together, we will be, and she thinks we are, because our relationship is so natural ... it means a lot to me that she is so supportive. she tries to get me out of this house as much as possible so i can go do stuff ... and she sees me crying, so she tries even more. shes so nice. and she cracks me up too lol, shes this little mexican lady with a temper ...
well i gotta get ready, were going hiking today yay ...
so my curfew has been 9 pm lately and i didnt like it cuz i mean, hello, 17 days left ....?!
so whenever i wanted to stay a little longer, vic, kalefs mom, called mark and asked him to let me stay. it has been fine till now. this morning i walk out of my room, sleepy, in a good mood, and there is kim waiting for me in the kitchen, with that look on her face i hate. and she doesnt even say good morning to me, but starts yelling at me imediately. if kalefs parents call one more time they will go there and get me, dont i dare to try to stay longer ... blablabla. very rude ...
i really hate them right now. i mean they know i want to spend as much time with kalef and his family as possible , and i only have 2 weeks left really . and its summer time. i dont have to go to school anymore ...
being at kalefs house is awesome for me cuz i really dont want to be around people who are that materialistic, rude, and conceeded. i can tell that kim doesnt like me being around. she thinks im the bad kid, which is ironic, cuz maria has been fucking guys for three years now. and she obviously also thinks im like mentally retarded or something, special aid ... she thinks im less intelligent than her for some reason, so she thinks i dont get the hints she drops all the time. . . it pisses me off ...
well at least i have vic to gossip with. we talk crap about people all the time and its so great to vent! she doesnt like my family at all and she thinks maria is a spoiled brat.
she was so cute yesterday. she said, if kalef and i are meant to be together, we will be, and she thinks we are, because our relationship is so natural ... it means a lot to me that she is so supportive. she tries to get me out of this house as much as possible so i can go do stuff ... and she sees me crying, so she tries even more. shes so nice. and she cracks me up too lol, shes this little mexican lady with a temper ...
well i gotta get ready, were going hiking today yay ...
Sunday, May 31, 2009
it´s been a while
so shortversion ...
um
oklahoma was awesome, the weather was great, the people were nice ... the only problem was kalefs jealousy ... its always been a little problem but this time it got big ... he sees guys and thinks they are checking me out ... so he gets all pissed and wants to fight them. he puts his guard up and doesnt even let me in ... so that hurts me. we talked about it and i think its gonna be fine now, but it was so exhausting ...
oh but it was awesome, his parents let us sleep in one bed at the hotel ... yay ... i just got so used to it, now i feel alone when he isnt there ...
oh and kalefs aunt patsy has lots of money, and she let us have the hummer to go on a date, it was really nice, we watched the new terminator ... it was pretty good, i think its the best one so far ... looks like theres gonna be another one though ...
we went hiking , it was fun ... where the fires were last year its become really green and pretty ... we were walking, but then we smelled skunk so we were gone fast lol.
then it was the last week of school, it was chill, took finals, i think i did ok ...
oh and then on thursday, we went to a concert, no doubt ... it was so great and i had tons of fun ... gwen stefani is soooo gorgeous ... oh and paramore was there, they had a song on the soundtrack of twilight .. they were really cool too ... after the concert it took us 2 hours to get out of abq, thats how packed it was ... oh and we were all contact hight cuz of all the weed ... lol my clothes smelled like it it was so funny .... ya we got home at 230 so it wasnt that bad ...
we layed grass at kalefs house it looks really nice ... green ...
i cant believe its only three weeks till i have to leave. i dont want to. i am so angry at myself for being so emotional ... ive changed so much and i cant handle this. im weak ... i cry so much and i hate it ... im not a pussy, still i cry whenever kalef and i talk about it ... like a baby. ive gotten so attached to him, we are together all day every day and i feel like i cant be without him anymore. and im so depressed cuz im sure we are too young and im afraid were not gonna make it ...
bah i hate this so much i wish i could just put him in my suitcase.
other than that, i cannot wait to get out of here. ive had it with these people. how can you be so materialistic... and stuck up and rude and full of themselves ...
oh i wish maria wasnt coming ... im gonna explode in her face if she insults my family any more. its not like i force her to come visit me. she doesnt realize that it is important for me to really arrive home after i got there and im sacrificing a month of that just to show her around. and shes not even worth it.
im so pissed at mark and kim too, they changed my curfew to 9. what the fuck. i feel like they are taking time away from me, time that i could be spending with people that i actually care about ... who am i kidding, not people, only kalef ... i love him so much its ridiculous. that feeling that you get on rides in the amusement park, in your belly ... thats the feeling i get every time he touches me ...
uh ive changed so much , its scary ... like really scary ...
uh ive got to get a grip on myself, im whining way to much ...
um
oklahoma was awesome, the weather was great, the people were nice ... the only problem was kalefs jealousy ... its always been a little problem but this time it got big ... he sees guys and thinks they are checking me out ... so he gets all pissed and wants to fight them. he puts his guard up and doesnt even let me in ... so that hurts me. we talked about it and i think its gonna be fine now, but it was so exhausting ...
oh but it was awesome, his parents let us sleep in one bed at the hotel ... yay ... i just got so used to it, now i feel alone when he isnt there ...
oh and kalefs aunt patsy has lots of money, and she let us have the hummer to go on a date, it was really nice, we watched the new terminator ... it was pretty good, i think its the best one so far ... looks like theres gonna be another one though ...
we went hiking , it was fun ... where the fires were last year its become really green and pretty ... we were walking, but then we smelled skunk so we were gone fast lol.
then it was the last week of school, it was chill, took finals, i think i did ok ...
oh and then on thursday, we went to a concert, no doubt ... it was so great and i had tons of fun ... gwen stefani is soooo gorgeous ... oh and paramore was there, they had a song on the soundtrack of twilight .. they were really cool too ... after the concert it took us 2 hours to get out of abq, thats how packed it was ... oh and we were all contact hight cuz of all the weed ... lol my clothes smelled like it it was so funny .... ya we got home at 230 so it wasnt that bad ...
we layed grass at kalefs house it looks really nice ... green ...
i cant believe its only three weeks till i have to leave. i dont want to. i am so angry at myself for being so emotional ... ive changed so much and i cant handle this. im weak ... i cry so much and i hate it ... im not a pussy, still i cry whenever kalef and i talk about it ... like a baby. ive gotten so attached to him, we are together all day every day and i feel like i cant be without him anymore. and im so depressed cuz im sure we are too young and im afraid were not gonna make it ...
bah i hate this so much i wish i could just put him in my suitcase.
other than that, i cannot wait to get out of here. ive had it with these people. how can you be so materialistic... and stuck up and rude and full of themselves ...
oh i wish maria wasnt coming ... im gonna explode in her face if she insults my family any more. its not like i force her to come visit me. she doesnt realize that it is important for me to really arrive home after i got there and im sacrificing a month of that just to show her around. and shes not even worth it.
im so pissed at mark and kim too, they changed my curfew to 9. what the fuck. i feel like they are taking time away from me, time that i could be spending with people that i actually care about ... who am i kidding, not people, only kalef ... i love him so much its ridiculous. that feeling that you get on rides in the amusement park, in your belly ... thats the feeling i get every time he touches me ...
uh ive changed so much , its scary ... like really scary ...
uh ive got to get a grip on myself, im whining way to much ...
Sunday, May 17, 2009
news
first off, for everyone who didnt get it ... im not really pregnant.. apparently people have been thinking that ... oh wouldn t that be bad??? wow...
ok so this is new ....
maria is engaged ... shes gonna get married next summer .... she wants me to come to the wedding ... i dont know if i want to, i dont think its right, plus, flights are so expensive ...
i cannot believe she wants to get married ... i think its a mistake ...
I LOVE HIM
i do and its kinda scary but im sure. . . i dont want to leave ... this sucks big time ... but he says hes gonna wait for me and hell come next summer and live with me for a while ... it will be awesome :)
everything is gonna work out fine when i get back, im relieved .... got a job, got everything worked out in school ... yay :)
were gonna go to oklahoma next weekend ... it will be awesome. but i heard its really humid, so i dont know ... i dont like humidity ...
....
Sunday, April 26, 2009
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