it´s been a while

so shortversion ...

um

oklahoma was awesome, the weather was great, the people were nice ... the only problem was kalefs jealousy ... its always been a little problem but this time it got big ... he sees guys and thinks they are checking me out ... so he gets all pissed and wants to fight them. he puts his guard up and doesnt even let me in ... so that hurts me. we talked about it and i think its gonna be fine now, but it was so exhausting ...
oh but it was awesome, his parents let us sleep in one bed at the hotel ... yay ... i just got so used to it, now i feel alone when he isnt there ...
oh and kalefs aunt patsy has lots of money, and she let us have the hummer to go on a date, it was really nice, we watched the new terminator ... it was pretty good, i think its the best one so far ... looks like theres gonna be another one though ...

we went hiking , it was fun ... where the fires were last year its become really green and pretty ... we were walking, but then we smelled skunk so we were gone fast lol.

then it was the last week of school, it was chill, took finals, i think i did ok ...

oh and then on thursday, we went to a concert, no doubt ... it was so great and i had tons of fun ... gwen stefani is soooo gorgeous ... oh and paramore was there, they had a song on the soundtrack of twilight .. they were really cool too ... after the concert it took us 2 hours to get out of abq, thats how packed it was ... oh and we were all contact hight cuz of all the weed ... lol my clothes smelled like it it was so funny .... ya we got home at 230 so it wasnt that bad ...

we layed grass at kalefs house it looks really nice ... green ...

i cant believe its only three weeks till i have to leave. i dont want to. i am so angry at myself for being so emotional ... ive changed so much and i cant handle this. im weak ... i cry so much and i hate it ... im not a pussy, still i cry whenever kalef and i talk about it ... like a baby. ive gotten so attached to him, we are together all day every day and i feel like i cant be without him anymore. and im so depressed cuz im sure we are too young and im afraid were not gonna make it ...
bah i hate this so much i wish i could just put him in my suitcase.

other than that, i cannot wait to get out of here. ive had it with these people. how can you be so materialistic... and stuck up and rude and full of themselves ...
oh i wish maria wasnt coming ... im gonna explode in her face if she insults my family any more. its not like i force her to come visit me. she doesnt realize that it is important for me to really arrive home after i got there and im sacrificing a month of that just to show her around. and shes not even worth it.
im so pissed at mark and kim too, they changed my curfew to 9. what the fuck. i feel like they are taking time away from me, time that i could be spending with people that i actually care about ... who am i kidding, not people, only kalef ... i love him so much its ridiculous. that feeling that you get on rides in the amusement park, in your belly ... thats the feeling i get every time he touches me ...

uh ive changed so much , its scary ... like really scary ...
uh ive got to get a grip on myself, im whining way to much ...

news

first off, for everyone who didnt get it ... im not really pregnant.. apparently people have been thinking that ... oh wouldn t that be bad??? wow...

ok so this is new ....

maria is engaged ... shes gonna get married next summer .... she wants me to come to the wedding ... i dont know if i want to, i dont think its right, plus, flights are so expensive ...
i cannot believe she wants to get married ... i think its a mistake ...

I LOVE HIM
i do and its kinda scary but im sure. . . i dont want to leave ... this sucks big time ... but he says hes gonna wait for me and hell come next summer and live with me for a while ... it will be awesome :)


everything is gonna work out fine when i get back, im relieved .... got a job, got everything worked out in school ... yay :)

were gonna go to oklahoma next weekend ... it will be awesome. but i heard its really humid, so i dont know ... i dont like humidity ...

....