back home ...

and it doesnt feel like home. it sucks. my mom is being a bitch, my brothers are rude, and being away from kalef is killing me. the only thing thats going good is my friends, i was really happy to see them again and to hang out and stuff. Maybe kalef is gonna come see me at the 23rd, Maria backed out, i figured that ... But my mom is using him visiting as a new thing to blackmail me with. it seems like everything is back to how it was before, and i hate it. i tried to talk to my mom like a normal person, but its just not possible. she brings out the worst in me and i hate her so much for that. she could not even be nice to me for 3 days. its ridiculous. we fight all the time and im turning back into the psycho bitch i was before i left, and i dont wanna be her any more. ive grown up so much but it seems like theres no way i can treat my mom like an adult. its soo horrible. she acts the same way she always did and she leaves me no choice. i cannot talk to her at all. and she promised me that we were going to be ok and our relationship would get better but it seems like she doesnt wanna make any effort and thats so frustrating. i wish i could just go back and live in new mexico forever.
today she called kalef and told him that all i do is lie. she crossed a border. of course she always crosses borders, but this one is inacceptable. i mean calling my boyfriend without my permission? i am so pissed, i wish i could pay her back...